Remembering the Mockingjay
by sonic-you
Summary: MOCKINGJAY SPOILERS: The war is over. The rebels won. But Panem is broken. So is Peeta. And what is that thing nagging back at the corner of his mind?


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><p>Chapter 1<p>

I have come to realized that Snow's mansion is huge. I can wander its halls for hours on end and still find a new room each day. I always avoid the one hallway towards the back, the one that ends with the staircase. The one that led down to the cellar, the torture rooms, the cells. I can still hear the screams echoing throughout the basement. My friends emitting these horrible, endless shrieks. I can even see Johanna's body contorting in the electrical water. I shiver at the thought.

T oday I have found what seems to be the twelfth ballroom. I imagine all of the over-the-top costumes being adorned, the chatter about things that don't matter, the stacks and stacks of food. I look down at my own body. The white sheet that barely covers my body. I look bigger than when I last looked at my own body. All of the doctors and scientists are trying to build up my health. Trying to help me regain my old healthy, solid build. It appears that the bland diet is working. I laugh when I think about all the people that filled these room probably didn't give a thought about what they ate. They could all just get some sort of surgery to look thin.

Leaving the room, I hear the sound of my bare feet softly hitting the cold marble with each step. The sound that the fabric makes when it rubs together. The sound of my hand running over the marble walls. How useless talking seems. People could probably get along just fine without all of the redundant noise. The quiet of the house is peaceful.

I walk back to my makeshift room. I see that my meager possessions have been taken away. My therapist/doctor, Dr. Mehra, is packing up his tools in a small silver briefcase. "Dr. Mehra," my voice both him and me jump. Normally, his visits are silent. He turns toward me, his deep brown eyes studying me. "Why is all of my stuff gone?"

"We're moving the medical center to the Training Center. Apparently, it is easier to access. The mansion will be turned into a homeless shelter, considering all of the damage the war has created."

"Oh," I nod. "Thank you."

"We'll be leaving in a few hours. Be ready."

I decide to take a nap on the floor since the bed has already been removed. Just as I settle down, something lands on my stomach. I crack one eye open and look down. A sterile white blanket rests against me. I look up at Dr. Mehra. "Give it back to me when we leave." I nod.

A rough hand rests on my shoulder. I tense, not knowing who the hand belongs to. I see the light brown skin that I recognize as Dr. Mehra. The tension in my muscles releases. Sometimes I'm frightened by how edgy I am. The Capitol turned me into their soldier. Always tight and worried about enemies. Only it's a bit difficult when you can't distinguish if they are friend or foe. I laugh at my own joke. Dr. Mehra wears a puzzled expression but doesn't ask. He lifts his hand from my shoulder as I fold the blanket up and hand it to him. Together we leave pristine, white room I have spent the past week in. No sentiment. No nostalgia. And that frightens me. I don't want to be emotionless. I have only felt fear, pain, anger, and peace since the Capitol supposedly hijacked me. And peace only since the war ended.

As we walk out, I recognize a few of the hallways that I have wandered through. I let my hand drag against the cold marble just as I had days ago. The chandeliers' diamonds over my head glisten and sparkle in the light. We walk past an alcove with flowers in it. The flowers remind me of something, but I cannot place them. We keep walking, but I can't rid my mind of the nagging sensation in the back of my head. They are something important or linked to something important. I hit my head with my palms in frustration. Dr. Mehra pulls my hands away from my head. I stop banging on my head, but I keep my brow furrowed.

I forget the flowers as soon as we walk into the main lobby. The grand entrance into the mansion is so glorious I get lost in the curls and patterns of the decor. My eyes study every detail carved into the creamy, white stone. I blink and snap out of my trance. Maybe the design has something to do with the flowers. Maybe. But there is something more important about those flowers. I have to find out.

Dr. Mehra opens the huge, grand doors. A gust of cold air greets my face, and it feels great. It seems like it's been forever since I've been outside. I take big gulps of the fresh air. Breathing seems a bit easier now. Dr. Mehra escorts me to the open door of a car. I get in and shut the door. A few seconds later, Dr. Mehra opens the door to the opposite of me. I only look out the window, studying the outside world. Still, the fantastic architecture of the Capitol fascinates me. I crack a small smile. The smile quickly disappears as we go around the house. The damage to everything is astonishing. We drive past a courtyard that looked like an explosion had gone off. Flowers. For a second, there is a connection between the flowers and the courtyard, but the link disappears, leaving me frazzled.

We pass many rugged people in shabby, ripped clothes. They look over at us with blank expressions, at first. Then they recognize me and begin to wave. A few stop and clap and cheer. At first bewilderment, then happiness crosses my face. I full-out grin at the people who barely know me but still get hope at the sight of me. I wave at the people who are now excited. I laugh in complete elation. I feel Dr. Mehra looking at me, but I don't care. I care about the people who need hope. I care about the people who need my help. I care. _I care._ I care and I am feeling emotion. Not pain, not fear, not anger. And in the most simple way of putting it, I am happy.


End file.
